70's This Coming Weekend

They say we are going to be up in the 70's by Saturday. Well, the high for yesterday was 35, so who knows. I would like to plant my lillies this weekend.

Last week I was at Jessica's house trying to help her get over the flu. With her current roommate, she has been sick a lot. The roommate is a slob. She won't clean up her own dishes, she seldom washes her clothes, and she thinks the world owes her a living. For the last two months she hasn't been carrying her half of the bills, and it seems she is 2 months behind in her rent after talking to the landlord. So I had a fun week dealing with a irresponsible 21 year old roommate that is more like a 12 year old. Nothing in the apartment belongs to her except what is in her bedroom, which finding the floor in there can be a challenge. She comes through the front door like a charging rhino, and the landlord has already had to replace the screen door recently. I will be glad when her lease portion is finished. She and Jessica are constantly at each other's throats. Which brings me to where Jessica is going to be till next May.

The two schools in St. Louis with the accelerated nursing programs do not start their next terms till May 2008. She has decided to become an RN and then an anesthia (sp) nurse which pulls down about 180 grand a year. After examining what a doctor really makes after they pay 100 grand plus a year for insurance she decided she could make money and have a life too. It seems both schools require 3 courses that Jessica hasn't taken--ethics, religion(she did take a religion course but it was qualified as social studies at her university), and human growth and development--? not sure what this course would be. Anyway, she is going to stay where she is at-because it is cheaper on us not moving her to St. Louis yet-and pick up those courses. She has been accepted into SLU-private catholic school next May, as soon as she has those 3 courses. Anyway a little down time might be good for her. She is going to work more and pick up 12 hrs fall semester then wait till April or first of May to go to St. Louis. At least I won't have to move her in August. She graduates with her BS in Physiology May 12 at 8 am.

We have Steve and Sharon coming (Gary's brother), Teresa and her family (Gary's niece), Sandra and WT (my sister), Jon and Lauren, Jason, Andrea, and Daniel so far. After the event is over, (we will all probably eat) Jessica wants everyone or whoever to go to a winery there that has a great view of the hills and have a wine tasting and sit around and visit. We are then going to have a cook out around 5-6 back at her apartment. Her apartment is out in the country with a big deck out back and a porch out front and plenty of places for people to lounge outside. If it rains--well we're screwed. I suppose we will all go to Pizza Hut and drink, eat and be merry or whatever. Have to wait and see--or go from one winery to the next--the wine trail is open now so we can all taste wine if its raining. That evening she and the young members of the family will probably go clubbing, starts about 9-10.

Jason is coming up this weekend. He is doing some work for his dad as a consultant. Jason's birthday is coming up April 29.

Jon had a great birthday thanks to Lauren. She took him to a concert to see one of his favorite bands, she bought him two etched guiness glasses and some other things, and she gave him a home made German Chocolate Cake--his dad's favorite cake too. I am glad he had someone close to him give him a great thoughtful birthday. I sent him dishes but two of the cups arrived damaged so I am going to send him two more to replace those.

I forgot to mention I rode the train home from Carbondale. What an experience. I have found there is a difference in riding the train in the winter months and summer months. The train I rode in the fall was a double decker that seemed to float and I loved the big seats and lots of room for my legs. It seems in the summer they don't use those cars but more of an express car. The seats are hard, and built like an airplane seat with very little leg room. The trip wasn't too bad from Carbondale to Chicago because I had two seats to myself, except I felt every bump on that rail. There were soooo many trains this time at Union Station that it was about a 4 block walk to the terminal once we arrived in Chicago.

When I got to the terminal, I figured out the lockers this time and crammed my bag in it. The machine takes your finger print in order to rent a locker. Great security--yeah right. When you ride the train you are allowed to carry on only two small to medium luggage articles. They don't check you, they don't check your luggage, in other words no security at all. You load the train as quickly as possible, cram your luggage in a small storage area in the front of the car or on the shelf above your head and take a seat. A train stop lasts about 5 minutes on the way to the destination--so if you are getting on or off do it quickly.

In Chicago, I had a 4 hour lay over, although I could have caught a train earlier to Kalamazoo instead of Grand Rapids.

I like sitting in Union Station watching people. You see some of the strangest human interactions. The majority of the people are either college students or older people who can't drive anymore, or service personnel, and some colorful folks. Union Station has a food court in it, so I bought food at McDonalds and sat in the center waiting for what I knew would happen.

There were many other tables to sit at, but as usual when I go out in public people seem to pick me out. If I go shopping, people walk up to me and ask if there is another size in such in such, or can you help me etc. I suppose I have that "I work here look".

Anyway, a lady about my age came up looking rather bewildered and a little frightened and ask if she could sit with me. Sure, never fails, I must have a sign that says--open for business--come tell me your life story. She has never ridden a train before or been in that big station. She lives in some little town, going to visit family etc etc. Not that I mind, I like to watch and figure people out. So that takes up over an hour before I can slide out of my seat and move on to the next person and their story.

My next one was an older man probably in his 70's. The seats in the waiting area are in a group of four. He was on one end so I sat on the opposite end. He was reading so I figured I could sit and read in peace too.
He comments on what I am reading. Murder mystery--he was reading one too. He was on the way to see his daughter, his wife was deceased etc etc. That took up another hour of listening to his adventures in riding the trains. I finally excuse my self to go to the restroom where I hide out for a little while--people don't talk to you in the bathroom. I wandered around, got a brownie and a magazine and walked some more, avoided looking people in the eye. Well by then it was getting close to loading time so I went to my locker got my luggage and found an empty seat all by self and started reading my magazine.

All nice and comfy, a family with 3 munchkins, grandma and grandpa plop down all around me. The young father sits next to me and I am trying to ignore them but the munchkins decide lets crawl around on the lady. I was okay until one of them kicked me. The man begins to apologize and here we go again. The kids are tired, we are from Grand Rapids and came down for a day of shopping and we are on our way back--where are you going--two word response Grand Rapids, Oh where etc etc etc with the questions. He finally took the hint I wasn't in the mood to share who I was with him, so I returned to my magazine.

As I was sitting there, every 15 minutes an announcement came on saying "in our strides to maintain security, we ask that if you notice anything strange or bags left unattended please notify security". How? There aren't any uniforms around that I have seen for the last 3 hours. Who or what is security anyway. So as I am listening to this tape over again for the 15th time I hear a dog growl and bark. ??? a dog in Union Station--downtown Chicago?? The man next to me hears it too and says "I guess that was a seeing eye dog or something" at which I state seeing eye dogs don't growl and bark like that unless their master is threatened. About that time comes this ragged, stinky, beard down to his chest, street person tearing around the corner beside us with a mongrel dog on a rope with 2 security guards hot on his trail. Finally Security!! I turned to the man and said "I suppose that would count as something strange--should we report it?" So begins the conversation again, I meet his mom, dad, wife and all the kids. Turns out he is a contractor that builds homes here.

They finally let us on the train and it is packed like sardines. I grab a seat by the window looking out praying no one would ask to sit by me. Sure enough here comes a woman that out weighs me and asks if the seat is taken. Sit by me? More like on me. Our butt cheeks rubbed the whole way! And guess what--she was a talker!!! She had been on the trains since Seattle where she went to take care of her sick mother. 45 hours she had been on trains without stopping and getting off to sleep and clean up I might add. Pew eee! I was not only sandwiched against the window, I had to hold my breath too. She would not stop talking. She droned on and on--yes droned--flat monotone half asleep and loopy. Three kids, one with autism, husband in service etc etc.

To make matters worse the train had to keep getting off the main track to let freight trains pass. Because the train car was packed, and when the train stops there is no air flow, I began to feel a panic attack coming on. The first time we had to pull over it was 30 minutes. The second time we pulled over after about 20 minutes, I stopped the conductor and asked what the hell was going on. You that know me, know my patience for indecision or inaction don't last long plus I am blunt and speak my mind when I have had it. The conductor explained to me Amtrak didn't own those tracks so in the spring, summer and fall they were required to allow frt trains the right of way. I therefore said you know you guys do this 7 days a week, every week looks like you would have it better organized than this. He's laughing and I then ask if there was no way to get air in the car while we waited. He said sure soon as we start to roll I want you to come to the door, because I want to show you something--I said what--he said a way to get off the train--tuck and roll--ha ha yeah right. I didn't make it to Grand Rapids. I got off at Holland where Gary picked me up. We were running an hour late and I couldn't take it anymore between being squashed by Attila the Hun, and the redneck across from us who was working on his 12th beer, getting louder and louder. The moral to this story is--don't ride the train in the summer--go in style in the winter on the double decker train cars with lots of room, no air conditioning problems and plenty of seats so you can rest in peace!

Bye Bye everyone Take care and may all your adventures be peaceful. Love you all.

Oh No, Here We Go Again, Snow

Ok so it's not Spring yet! Gary sent me this picture yesterday afternoon (Wednesday). 8 inches and still snowing and he can't pull into driveway because it is too deep. He tried to use the snow blower but it is a wet heavy snow and our little snow blower couldn't handle it.

I am currently at Jessica's apt because she was put into the hospital this weekend. She came down with the flu/stomach bug that is sweeping the US. She vomited so much, for so long that her abdomen was hurting. She was horribly dehydrated and because of the soreness to touch they were afraid it was because of appendix. But after 4 things of fluid she came back to her old self with the soreness gone. Anyway, I am here cleaning, and trying to get the weight she lost again back on her. I will probably be here until the 20th when Gary can come get me--I rode down with Jason and Andrea. They had come up to Michigan to see us for Easter, so they just brought me back down so I wouldn't have to drive.

Nothing much else happening. Jon's birthday is Monday---Happy Birthday--and he is finally getting over his slit throat feeling. He has been to a concert, a movie called 300 and getting to know Lauren more. Jason and Andrea have a fine truck--what I rode back down in. Rides like a cloud floating down the road. They have a big black tie party coming up this weekend sponsored by her work. Hope she found the dress she wanted because there wasn't anything in Grand Rapids this last weekend. And Jason has a birthday coming up April 29--so happy early birthday to him. Jim's got a case of asthma and is fighting that and feeling really lousy. Sandra's Attila the Hun dog died. I am sorry she is sad about it but after paying for 3 vet bills for Attila's attacks on my dogs I can't honestly say I will miss her. I do still miss Bear Puppy though and Shana the pit bull. My poochie is the sister to Attila but her personality is very loving and friendly.

Well take care and say a pray for my bulbs. Spring will be here by mid May for us--can't wait till I can plant. I only have till first of September to get my outdoor beautification done.

Winter Isn't Over Yet

Yep, it is a wonderful 31 degrees outside currently with sustained winds at 22 mph with gusts to 50 mph. Woo-boy can you say cold!! Wind chill in the teens with snow falling as I write this. It is suppose to be like this till next week and then we will be back up into the 50's. That is just the way it is up here and why we plant bulbs instead of flowers. I really can't plant flowers or anything else till after the middle of May, because spring is always on again, off again.

Now the next part of my blog speaks only to a person that no longer is involved in my life directly, so since this blog is made for family only and is not a public forum--meaning if you don't know the address you can't get to it, family need not be concerned. It is just some things I have to say to this other person in response to crap she has been stirring up the last few days and it is not directed at anyone except this one person. Everyone else take care and I hope the flowers are growing for you and everyone is doing great!
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First of all, I want to congratulate her brother David, Wayne and Anita on their new child/grandchild. I have never had any ill feelings toward any of these guys and I wish only the best for their precious baby. David in deed was the only one who tried to tell Jon he needed to move on with his life, although he failed to tell Jon about the affair his sister was having. Beautiful baby, and may she grow healthy and strong.

Now for the main character behind this blog, I was not aware you took it upon yourself to read my blogs anymore since you are no longer in our lives. I wish I could say not in my thoughts either, but that would be false. I still see and feel and deal with the wreckage you left behind. Your inability to take over any of the responsibility for bills that were not only Jon's but yours too. You enjoyed the extra money he made, (the trips, the concerts, the wrestling crap, the car that you claimed as yours and wouldn't let him drive--- you were in charge of paying the bills). You bitch about your future--what did you do to his??? We all know how you stood by him when he was laid off--yeah right. According to your own blog you were seeing Rob then. Why weren't you making sure the IRS was getting their share so you and he wouldn't be owing so much right now. Yet you think it was alright to walk away with the "love of your life" and live in a fairy tale land (in your mind--don't give me the crap that you don't fight with Rob because you call Jon to talk to him about your fights--geez what nerve you have). Why was it alright to leave all the bills for Jon to find a way to pay off? Where was your responsibility in this marriage? You helped make those bills you should be responsible for half of them. If you have it in your mind that we will help him, well you can get over that illusion. The only money I will give him is to take you back to court and make you pay your way in life. Yes we may have filed Chapter 13, but we have stood together in bad times instead of bailing on the marriage when things got ruff. We made sure everyone was paid every penny they had coming to them. Jon would have never agreed to those terms of the divorce except he loved you so much he thought you would have your fling and come back to being a wife (of course you kept telling him and Jason you were coming back to him--keeping him on the hook). His credit is sooo damaged now it will be years and years before he can get all this stuff paid off.

If you think I can just forgive and forget you are wrong. First of all to forgive, the other person has to honestly know what they did was wrong and admit it and ask to be forgiven. As for forget, never will that happen. Forgive, not as long as the other person believes in some sort of warped capacity that what they did was good and holy, and that they did not hurt anyone or even care if they hurt anyone. So the answer is no-I will just not "get over it". A person just does not get over such a major pain, such a major betrayal by just forgetting it or acting like nothing happened.

As for you, your attacks on my family and me are totally seen through your eyes only--the way you imagined them. My husband may have had many jobs but it was to grow financially and over a period of 34 years he has been with eight major companies in the aerospace business. We have grown from when we first married of 125 dollars a week to 140,000 a year--all the moving done to make a better life for our kids.

Yes we have filed bankruptcy not once but twice--you got that part correct--but perhaps you should know why since your myspace is so public and you want to demean us. Our life in Savannah was with a company that offered self insurance through the company which means very little insurance. We had to pay all bills up front to the doctors, then wait 5 to 6 weeks to see what the insurance would pay, which most of the time was around 60 percent. With 3 children , one that had the croup all the time with emergency room after emergency room visit, one that came down with a tumor in his neck, and the birth of another bills mounted up. The company also kept Gary on the "road" or in the air from Sunday night until Friday night. We were required to pay for the hotels, food, and air plane tickets , which if you have to buy an airplane ticket every week with a credit card, motel bill for a week, and food it wrecks havoc on your credit when the company doesn't reimburse you but every 6-8 weeks. Then when your husband is hit in the car, by a person from Great Britain, with all the kids in the car, things get even worse. His place of employment gave him 5 sick days paid and that was it. He had and still has a vertebrae that is broken and sticks into his spine with the knowledge if he gets another good whack he can be paralyzed for life. He had weeks and weeks of recovery and no pay with his employer's insurance and the car insurance fighting over who was going to pay the medical bills therefore the bills not getting paid. Yes we did what it took to have a job, keep a roof over our kids head, etc.

We kept the job, because neither of us had the "education" to back us up to leave--the reason I have always been so driven about having an education to start off in life with. My kids, I didn't want them to go through what we went through. This was one of the things that irked me the most about you. Your insistence on marriage and why would he need all that education (and yes you did state this to me). I knew how hard it can be without it. I wanted time for him, I felt in my heart it was just getting married you wanted--the horse and pony show, a way out of the house and that deep down you didn't love him. Jason got married young too, but I know in my heart Andrea loves Jason and she wanted him for her life partner.

Obviously, I was right because even you say how much you loved Rob then and how you should have been with him. Why did you marry Jon if that was the case--it shows you never wanted to be part of any of us. I want you to understand, what you do in life, and the decisions you make effect not only you, but everyone you touch. Life is not just about you. This is the forgiveness part--the part I can't give yet because you really don't understand you hurt everyone when you started having an affair and you see it as just their fault and you don't have any responsibility in all the hurt. When you can see that you had a major part in the destruction of all the relationships and admit to it not only to us but everyone that reads your myspace then forgiveness starts.

As for the second bankruptcy, in answer to your negative statements, we were all ready in bankruptcy at that Xmas time. We wanted everyone to have a good Xmas, including you, because Gary had got some consultant work. We should have just put the money to the court, but we wanted perhaps one last good time together. We have totally paid our Chapter 13 off--everyone was paid in full just like the time before--we did not just throw our responsibilities away-just rearranged them so we could get out of the hole. My fault as much as anyone. I gave too much to my kids and wanted too much too soon. Jason went through a major life threatening problem if you remember--which I was very thankful for the time that you came and were there for me when I needed you and Jon. I had hopes that was the beginning of a new and better relationship between us. I had hopes you had grown to love Jon. I wanted you to be part of my life. I finally saw a kind, caring side of you I had never seen. But something went wrong with you and Jon. You gained weight and seemed to start hating him and everyone around you. Then you lost the weight, disconnected with everyone in the family and I realized there had to be another man causing the problems. I just didn't know the other man had been there since you got married. This is the part I don't understand. If you loved Rob so much why did you marry Jon?

You need some medical intervention to help you stop your many mood swings and so you can let go of Jon and stop being in his life.

Being any part of his life is over for you. You have to stop contacting him, trying to keep him updated on your life and asking him for advice about Rob. Jon is not your "big brother". He is a man you were married to for 10 years, who as you have pointed out in your past blogs you didn't love to begin with, who you cheated on yet you seem to think it is "grown up" to keep calling or emailing him. You have no kids to keep the contact--move on and let him heal. I know you have no hurt feelings on your part, because as you said you never loved him--but he did love you--deeply , so he needs time and your total absence--he needs you to leave him alone. Jon is a caring and loving soul and you are taking advantage of that. After what you did to him, you must be living in a fairy tale land if you think he can just "get over it" or forget it. You don't stomp on someones feelings the way you did and expect to be best buddies. Jon just wants to keep the peace--he is tired of your instability--so leave him alone and stay off my blog or anyone else's in this family. What we say or what we feel is none of your business and I will continue to write what I feel. I was glad to see you got married, I had hoped that meant and end to your contacting Jon. I know thou marriage is not going to "fix it" for you. You do need some help medically and I hope you get it before you destroy another man, emotionally and financially.

As for the drinking you mentioned, yes we drink occasionally. Drunks no. You brag about your drunken times. The only reason you might think this is because we drank at Mamaos wake because of our Irish lineage. I realize you don't understand the meaning of a wake and or our celebration that night. We were "celebrating her life" and trying to ease the pain and emptiness we all felt. We all came together to celebrate what she had given all of us--life.

I unlike you welcome any comments here on this site. I am not afraid of the others reading the other side of the story like you are, because I know what I have written is not a lie. I want you out of our lives and Jon's--haven't you done enough damage to him? Stay off my blog, what I say or feel can not be critiqued by you--you don't matter anymore. Life is not just about you. Think of others for a change and stay out of their lives.